sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
