the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
