she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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