where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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