At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
