I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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