So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
