i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
