Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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