lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
