You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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