Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
