i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
