just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize