I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
