i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
