turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
