I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
