I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
