There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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