hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
