you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
