It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize