the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
