I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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