I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
