Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
