I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
