I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
