what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
