I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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