Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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