dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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