I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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