Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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