Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
