ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
