He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
