Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
