i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize