This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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