I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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