you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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