We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
