Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
