Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
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