direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
