I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
