i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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