There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize