I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
