We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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