There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
