i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
