five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
