no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
