I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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