someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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