Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
