UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
