a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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