dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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