Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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