dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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