You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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