shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
