Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
