Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
