We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
