There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
