If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
