My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
