i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
