So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
