forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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