we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
