haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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