Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
