Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
