My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
