What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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