can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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