i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize