you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You don't make any sense
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