Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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