Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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