Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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