After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
