Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
