i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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