I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
