No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
