i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
