I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
