You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
