Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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