so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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