how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
