but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
