I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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