You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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