By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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