Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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