I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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