Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
