I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
