Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
