every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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