i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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