Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
