A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
