what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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