Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize