he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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