apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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