Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
