And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you will always have a special place in my vag
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
